The power of a personal "policy"
"I appreciate the invitation to join you in X, however I have a personal policy against engaging in social activities during the week"
Okay, so I don't really say it that way, but I have started to decline invitations to do things, based on the "we've decided we just really can't do things on a weeknight" excuse. It is so nice - who knew?
Many of you may be horrified. (actually there's only 1 person I know of who reads this, so - more accurately - Beth, you may be surprised...) We just can't do anything on a weeknight and have a non-insane night/morning. We're barely keeping it together as is. and the truth is that I was accepting invitations and then not showing - either having forgotten completely that I had made plans, having realized there was no way I could make it or caving into my spouse, who was telling me I was insane for committing to whatever it was.
I have been forced to take another look at what I am committing to - and it's not pretty. I bail on a lot of stuff and not b/c I dont' want to do it - but b/c I want to do it and then realize I can't balance it against the rest of the stuff on my plate. The guilt I feel for bailing is outweighing the satisfaction I felt at accepting the initial invitation. This is a successful outcome - I have failed miserably enough to realize I must change - hooray!
What other personal policies should I write?
Reminds me of the power of "rules" with my 3 yr old. I don't have to repeatedly say "no" if I can point back to one of our 10 or so understood rules... and I get less pushback from her. Works with her and now I see it works with me.
Think it might work with spouse?
Okay, so I don't really say it that way, but I have started to decline invitations to do things, based on the "we've decided we just really can't do things on a weeknight" excuse. It is so nice - who knew?
Many of you may be horrified. (actually there's only 1 person I know of who reads this, so - more accurately - Beth, you may be surprised...) We just can't do anything on a weeknight and have a non-insane night/morning. We're barely keeping it together as is. and the truth is that I was accepting invitations and then not showing - either having forgotten completely that I had made plans, having realized there was no way I could make it or caving into my spouse, who was telling me I was insane for committing to whatever it was.
I have been forced to take another look at what I am committing to - and it's not pretty. I bail on a lot of stuff and not b/c I dont' want to do it - but b/c I want to do it and then realize I can't balance it against the rest of the stuff on my plate. The guilt I feel for bailing is outweighing the satisfaction I felt at accepting the initial invitation. This is a successful outcome - I have failed miserably enough to realize I must change - hooray!
What other personal policies should I write?
Reminds me of the power of "rules" with my 3 yr old. I don't have to repeatedly say "no" if I can point back to one of our 10 or so understood rules... and I get less pushback from her. Works with her and now I see it works with me.
Think it might work with spouse?
posted by Daney at 12:12 PM
2 Comments:
I think, given the age of your kids, that being at home during the week is the only sane option. I recently resigned from a group that I really enjoyed, because they met twice a month from 7-9pm and that was just too much time away from home. I occasionally have to work in the evening, and I do have a few other committments, but I have scaled way back.
I worked from 9-4 today, then went out to dinner with Steve from 5:15 to 6:50. I put Athena to bed when we got home, and Sam went shortly after. I feel like I barely saw my kids today. Thats fine every once in awhile, but not on a regular basis.
Re: spouse, yes, you do have rules. The trick is to make sure you are operating under the same set of rules. And that is quite a trick...
And then, when your kids are older, well, you are too; being at home during the week is still the only sane option. Being out in the evening, I find, just thrashes the next day. And I don't have many *disposable* days.
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